Am Getting Married To His Ex Girlfriend, Should My Best Friend Be My Best Man?
Someone reached out to us to help him out with this. Here is his story:
I met her while I was still squatting with my friend a few years back, after graduating from the University. She is all I dream of as a wife. She is very beautiful, expressive, brilliant, polite, neat, jovial , hard working, self dependent, and well educated (a university graduate). I know they say nobody is perfect, but I can proudly say she is. The only fault my friend see in her is her expressiveness, which I dont see as a thing.
She will tell you straight whenever she is not okay with anything and hold her ground until you fix the issue. Aside that, she is all fun to be around. She visit us from time to time as she resides in Lagos, and we reside in Delta. Whenever she visit, she stay with us for a month and return back to her hair dressing saloon where she have several girls in training.
She takes care of the feeding the whole month she spends with us. On weekends, she will take us out to the best fast foods and recreation centers in town and make sure we have the best weekends with her around. Sometimes I wish she stays in the same environment with us.
I know what you are thinking. She is one of those over aged girls that has passed or is fast approaching the menopause age where a lot of women think they are diminishing in value, so they become desperate to get married. Hence, they do anything including meeting a man's needs just to get him to marry them.
She is no where near menopause. She is just 28 and knows her value. My best friend is only 2 years older than her. They met at a graduation ceremony of a skill acquisition center in Lagos, where She works part time as a hairdressing instructor, after graduating tops of her class, as one of the beneficiaries of the Skill acquisition center. My friend was contracted to be the official videographer and photographer of the occasion.
They dated for five years before I came to the picture squatting with my friend. While I was still in my friend's house, they had several misunderstandings that would have ended the relationship had I not interfered. All arising from my best friend cheating on her with several other girls. She would tell him how much she hated him for that, as she had turned down a lot of wedding proposals from other guys, and threaten to end the relationship, but my interference would calm her down. I will make up stories of how my best friend has reduced the way he flirts with other girls since meeting her, how he rates her above the other girls, and beg her to give him time to change, whenever it happens.
I will also chat with my friend about his attitude towards her and how her types are rare to find these days. In all the conversations I have had with him about their relationship, I never failed to let him know how much I would cherish her and keep blind eyes towards other girls, if I were the one dating her. He never took my advice. Maybe it's because I am squatting with him and I am yet to
have a girlfriend of my own, which doesn't put me in the position of giving him relationship advice. Not like I can't ask women out, I just don't feel ready for a relationship as I was still squatting with my friend.
As time passed, I got a good paying job in Lagos and moved over there. I kept in contact with my friend and his girlfriend. She helped me a great deal in settling into the Lagos lifestyle. One night, during her birthday, she called me from my friend's house in tears and told me she is finally ending the relationship over his cheating on her, with a new girl he lodged at a hotel. She had left Lagos to meet him in Delta to spend the birthday week.
According to her, all through the week, he was receiving a call he would excuse her to go answer and leave the house, to return late at night. This raised suspicions so she decided to go through his phone records one night he was bathing, and traced the number on WhatsApp. There she discovered his chat with her, and how he had been leaving the house to go visit her at the hotel. If he couldn't keep himself from cheating on her with other girls during her birthday week, he does not respect her enough to be her man.
I thought of calming her down as always but her emotional state made me hold my words back. 2 days later, she visited me at my place. Her eyes were swollen from tears. She said he asked her what better way could he prove to her that he loves her more than every one of them, than his coming back home to spend the night with her, despite the other girl being around? She also said he felt no remorse when she told him she was leaving to never return, while leaving the house.
I thought of ways I could liven her mood and decided on taking her to the first place we visited when I asked her to show me round Lagos. A talent hub, where you get good food and drinks, as you listen to up and coming talents display their art. It is her go to place whenever she wants to relieve herself of the exhaustion that comes with spending lots of hours making other people's hair.
The performers for the night gave their best shot, but none of them were able to get her off her seat clapping, like she did during a lot of the performance, last time we visited the place. A few minutes to midnight, she requested we leave the place to my house. I requested they package the barbecue fish I bought for her, and took it home with us. It later became our dinner as she forced me to eat the fish with her. We had fun doing that. It felt good making her smile, even if it was for a while.
After that night, we got talking and realised we had a lot in common. I started developing feelings for her, but I was too afraid to let her know for the fear of what my friend would think if he finds out we are dating. I also thought it wise to seek my friend's permission before asking her out, but I didn't as they have broken up. As time passed, I summoned courage and asked her out. She accepted and confided in me that she wished I was the one she was dating, while dating my friend.
It's been a year into our relationship. I have proposed and she has accepted. We are currently planning our wedding, which my friend is aware of. I am thinking of making him my best man, since I met her through him. I have asked my wife to be, if she could handle him being our best man, she said yes. But I thought of seeking other people's opinion, so I reached out to your platform.
Is it wise to make him my best man?
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